Leaving Home

So as the day of my departure finally arrived the whole idea of living in Japan for a year still felt surreal and insubstantial. It was, and still is, just too much to process. The night before I left felt like any other night hanging out at home with my boyfriend Charles and roommate Paul.

When morning came I spent it schnuggling with Charles for what would be the last time in months, until he visits in December.  I proceeded to get the last of my things together, and then it was off to my farewell breakfast. A total of eight of us (Me, Charles, Paul, my mom, my father, my stepfather, James, and Chandra) all went out for breakfast at the Portage Bay café in the U-district. The food was delicious (I had banana, hazelnut, gluten-free pancakes), the company was pleasant, and while we all chatted and took pictures, I tried my best not to think about how much I would miss them all and even others who weren’t present – my extended family of sorts.

After breakfast James and Chandra went their own way, while the rest of us headed off to the airport. I was so nervous at this point that the butterflies jittering in my stomach were becoming hard to bear. I started to cry when I realized how long I would be separated from my friends and family. I guess that was all just a good sign of how much I love the life I have in Seattle and how much I will miss it while I am away.

After hugging everyone and kissing Charles a million times, I separated myself, got through airport security, and started my adventure. There had been lots of tears, longing feelings of attachment and endearment, but I reassure everyone that the tears slowly but surely faded once the faces of my loved ones were out of sight.

I remember thinking as I boarded the plane and found my seat, “here begins my new life,” and part of me wonders if I cried not only for the people I would miss but also for the realization that I would be a different person, a changed person, when I return home next year. I am optimistic about the changes I will go through, and that they will strengthen and enrich me as an individual, but it would be naïve to think that the same old Clara that everyone knew is going to be the girl who returns to Seattle next summer.